life in the fishbowl
the life of a woman after 40
fear and failure
"do something that scares youe veryday. fear gives us wisdom. it makes us work harder than we ever imagined" eleanor roosevelt
fear and failure have come up a lot this past week in my conversations with people. i have a friend who is afraid to take a step forward and trust someone in a relationshop again. afraid she will get hurt. i have a family member who is afraid to really see the potential in their life and see what talents they ahve and how they are blessed, afraid they might not live up to people expectations. i have another friend who is afraid to try somethign because ,,what if it doesnt work out. then,,,,i have myself, this is the story of my life. afraid of failure!
i have alwasy been afraid i would not be good so why try. i messed up my 1st marriage. i was too afraid to love again and commit. i finally did. but it was scary. i went back tos chool. i was scared the whole time. afraid i would fail. having to explain to all those supporting me that i wasnt good enouigh. i have work. i ams tepping into a new role with more responsibilites. im scared. what if i fail. i have a dream job i want to attempt. im scared. what if om not good at it. what if i fail.
God has blessed me with a husband who doesnt believe in failure. he attempts and tries everyting. there is no such thing as i cant. at times i admit he irritates the snot out of me. sometimes i want some sympothy for my fears. but other times he does encourage me to just suck it up and go for it. i wish i had that gift of bel;ieving in myslef..i dont.
so last night i had a talk with my family in the car. i told them we were going to try a new thing in our house. no negativity...from anyone, about anyone. we only say positive things about ourselves. and if we get caught cutting ourselves or anyone else down,,you lose your phone for an hour or 2...the only thing they care about!!
so guess who said they 1st negative thing,,,ME!
reconcilliation
i attended willowcreek today with my duaghter. what an amazing service we went to. it started with 30 people getting baptized while the worship team led in singing. i was crying by the 5th person i think. the pastor of this church,Bill Hybels talked about reconciliation. how we are called to be reconcilliators in peoples lives. when we see people stumbling and being led down the wrong path, we need to encourage them and help to reconcile them. he made a point that just hit me. when people are being led down the wrong path, they usually are not doing it on purpose, its just that byt that time they are in so deep and they dont know how to find a way out. thats where we come in. helping to encourage them and reconcile them back to relationship with God.
he told us we as christians are called to draw these people in close. its so natural for the church to see a "sinful" person and not want to associate with them, it might taint their image. it might make them look bad. but oh how thats a mistake! we need to love them, br there for them.
ona personal note, i need to say thank you to those people who never walked away from me when i was messing up, when i was walking the wrong way. and i have to say, Bill has it correct. when people are stumbling, they arent doing it on purpose, you want a better way, it just seems that its not there. but those of you, and you know who you are, who stood with me. event hough you might have hated what i was living,,you still loved me. you were a godsend.
so later we got in the car and my children started discussing with me how many people view christians as hypocrites, and i said, you know what,,we are. we are human and we are going to mess up, we can say we are going to do something and we believe something, but sometimes poeple just mess up. its called sin, others call it being a hypocrite. i told them thats why we cannot judge people, we dont know whats going on in thier lives. we just have to love them and be there for them.
i learned a lot today. it was a good day.
he told us we as christians are called to draw these people in close. its so natural for the church to see a "sinful" person and not want to associate with them, it might taint their image. it might make them look bad. but oh how thats a mistake! we need to love them, br there for them.
ona personal note, i need to say thank you to those people who never walked away from me when i was messing up, when i was walking the wrong way. and i have to say, Bill has it correct. when people are stumbling, they arent doing it on purpose, you want a better way, it just seems that its not there. but those of you, and you know who you are, who stood with me. event hough you might have hated what i was living,,you still loved me. you were a godsend.
so later we got in the car and my children started discussing with me how many people view christians as hypocrites, and i said, you know what,,we are. we are human and we are going to mess up, we can say we are going to do something and we believe something, but sometimes poeple just mess up. its called sin, others call it being a hypocrite. i told them thats why we cannot judge people, we dont know whats going on in thier lives. we just have to love them and be there for them.
i learned a lot today. it was a good day.
friend or acquaintance
so i went to church today in my home town. the pastor was preaching. he got to a point he wanted to make and the story was about people in your life. people come and go. we move we separate. and how can we tell if these people are our friend, or our acquaintance. ,,,friends he stated wil alwasy be there, no matter how far apart we live or what the circumstance. our acquaintances change. if we move away, our friendship becomes weak.
so why am i writing about this? i moved away almost 3 years ago now. i have lost a ,lot of friends. people who said we would stay in touch, and its ok,,,i have found i have some really cool REAL friends. people who truly are still there for me, people who make the effort to call me and find out whats going on. even thoigh i know live 90 minutes away,,they are still my best friends.
i wanted to take just a inute to tell these women how much they mean to me. god blessed me with you. and i would take one true friend over 50 acquaintances any day!
so why am i writing about this? i moved away almost 3 years ago now. i have lost a ,lot of friends. people who said we would stay in touch, and its ok,,,i have found i have some really cool REAL friends. people who truly are still there for me, people who make the effort to call me and find out whats going on. even thoigh i know live 90 minutes away,,they are still my best friends.
i wanted to take just a inute to tell these women how much they mean to me. god blessed me with you. and i would take one true friend over 50 acquaintances any day!
tomatoes and such
how do you fix a broken tomato? ,,,,,tomato paste!!!
so here we go the story of the tomatoes. i was reading this article about communication between husband and wife. there wasa woman who always asked her husband what he was thinking,,,he would always reply, nothing. this really bothered her. how could he possibly be thinking about nothing! he must be thinking about tsomethign he doesnt want me to know about. so finally she confronted him one day. he tpld ehr that really he was thinking about nothing.
they went to this marriage seminar and she found out that it is quite normal for men to think about nothing, he in turn found out that women think constantly and feel the need to express those thoughts.
they decided to try a little experiment. they both sat for one minute and told each other exactly what was on their minds. the wife was suprised to find out,,he really didnt think too much. not a lot fo thoughts ran through his mind,,the husband was equally suprised to realize,,she had a lot going on in her mind.
so why am i talking about this? well yesterday my husband and i had the same thing. he was painting a room. i kept going out and talking to him about random things. it got to the point that he started laughing. i went out at one time and was talking about the soup i was making and tghe tomato chunks in it and how they would cook down,,dont ask me why i was talking about this,,,and we laughed about how i have this need to talk all the time and tell my thoughts,,and he really has none!!! typical male huh?
so here we go the story of the tomatoes. i was reading this article about communication between husband and wife. there wasa woman who always asked her husband what he was thinking,,,he would always reply, nothing. this really bothered her. how could he possibly be thinking about nothing! he must be thinking about tsomethign he doesnt want me to know about. so finally she confronted him one day. he tpld ehr that really he was thinking about nothing.
they went to this marriage seminar and she found out that it is quite normal for men to think about nothing, he in turn found out that women think constantly and feel the need to express those thoughts.
they decided to try a little experiment. they both sat for one minute and told each other exactly what was on their minds. the wife was suprised to find out,,he really didnt think too much. not a lot fo thoughts ran through his mind,,the husband was equally suprised to realize,,she had a lot going on in her mind.
so why am i talking about this? well yesterday my husband and i had the same thing. he was painting a room. i kept going out and talking to him about random things. it got to the point that he started laughing. i went out at one time and was talking about the soup i was making and tghe tomato chunks in it and how they would cook down,,dont ask me why i was talking about this,,,and we laughed about how i have this need to talk all the time and tell my thoughts,,and he really has none!!! typical male huh?
goodby summer
ok, yesterday was labor day. i guess its officially the end of summer hun?? what a bummer. kids have been back in school for a week. swim practice is back to two a days. marching band begins. no more beach days. no more care free lay in the sun days. no more BBQ. why is it that the end of summer is so sad. summer is such a fun time. although i admit this summer went by sooo fast. i barely had time to breathe. im not sure i did as much as i wanted to.
the other night we were talking. we realized we did more than we thought. we went to the lake a few times. we saw lots of new movies. went to brookfield zoo. we had the carnival down the street. did the fireworks. we put a pool up this summer. we did more than i thought we did.
we said goodby to our oldest son as he went away to college as a freshman. my youngest son started middle school. and my daughter is now working on 3 more months to a drivers liscense. yikes! my how we grew!
so im sitting here saying goodby to my favorite season. awaiting the crisp fall days. and realizing,,,im HOT. its 96 degrees out. im gonna go jump in the pool!!!!
correction
just a small correction, my parents have only been married 42 years,,i have no idea what i was thinking yesterday!!
my mom and dad
the greatest thing in life is finding someone who knows all your mistakes and weaknesses and still finds you completely amazing
my parents celebrated their anniversary this last week. to be honest,,i dont know how many. i think its 61 it could be 62. does it really matter. in this day and age anything past 2 is a miracle. i feel so blessed to have been raised by such strong role models . my parents set an example for me of what kind of person i want to be, what kind of marriage is possible and how to trust God with everything. my parents love each other and respect each other. i am not sure i have ever seen them fight. maybe argue but not fight and battle and cut each other down. and if they have i dont want to know,dont ruin the illusion. as i stop and think about that last sentence. i realize, thats a great example also. we shouldnt be arguing in front of our kids and allowing them to see that side of us. i dont think i ever feared my parents would seperate.
my dad just got back from one of his many trips to haiti. i dont think he knows this but i think its so amazing that he continues to travel there, knowing what it does to his emotions and his body. thats the compassion and the love for people my dad has. my dad never judges, he truly cares about people. i think thats what i got from him. i truly care about people. i try not to judge. i try to understand where people are coming from and what they are battling.
my mom,,,she loves her family. she will defend us. dont hurt any member of her family. she will not forget it. SHE,,can make it known what she is disappointed in with us,,BUT,,no one else has the right! i get that from her. i LOVE my family. i will defend my family. they are precious to me.
my parents are in love. they hold hands. they sit together and talk without a tv on. they enjoy being together. if you want to know what a successful marriage is,,look at my mom and dad. in my opinion they have it all.
and an added bonus,,,,they have me!!!
i love you mom and dad. thanks for everything
my parents celebrated their anniversary this last week. to be honest,,i dont know how many. i think its 61 it could be 62. does it really matter. in this day and age anything past 2 is a miracle. i feel so blessed to have been raised by such strong role models . my parents set an example for me of what kind of person i want to be, what kind of marriage is possible and how to trust God with everything. my parents love each other and respect each other. i am not sure i have ever seen them fight. maybe argue but not fight and battle and cut each other down. and if they have i dont want to know,dont ruin the illusion. as i stop and think about that last sentence. i realize, thats a great example also. we shouldnt be arguing in front of our kids and allowing them to see that side of us. i dont think i ever feared my parents would seperate.
my dad just got back from one of his many trips to haiti. i dont think he knows this but i think its so amazing that he continues to travel there, knowing what it does to his emotions and his body. thats the compassion and the love for people my dad has. my dad never judges, he truly cares about people. i think thats what i got from him. i truly care about people. i try not to judge. i try to understand where people are coming from and what they are battling.
my mom,,,she loves her family. she will defend us. dont hurt any member of her family. she will not forget it. SHE,,can make it known what she is disappointed in with us,,BUT,,no one else has the right! i get that from her. i LOVE my family. i will defend my family. they are precious to me.
my parents are in love. they hold hands. they sit together and talk without a tv on. they enjoy being together. if you want to know what a successful marriage is,,look at my mom and dad. in my opinion they have it all.
and an added bonus,,,,they have me!!!
i love you mom and dad. thanks for everything
the knots
when we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so he can untangle the knots.
it seems when i am frustrated and i get in too deep with my worries,, i fret, i panic, i talk fast, i make stupid choices. i say i trust God, i say hes in control, BUT,,,,i really have a plan of my own and i know what should be done,,,NOW>
when im at work and i have a patient who is aggresive and needs to be in restraints,,we have to tie slip knots,,i am terrible at slip knots. they are used so we can easily unslip them if an emergency is needed.
so you see, i got to thinking, why dont my problems get tangled up like a slip knot,, because i am terrible at them! i am better at tying and tying and knotting and making a huge mess, you know,,like when you have 3 necklaces and they are so entangled its just easier to throw them away and buy new ones!
or remeber as a ikid, you had your shoes so tied up in knots, never could we get them undone, we always went to mom or dad,,"please untie my shoes".
my knots are big, my worries are big, its hard for me to be still. im learning as ive gotten older, but its still a struggle. the more i try to untie them , the bigger the mess becomes.
my favorite bible verse,,,be still and know that i am God. Psalms 46:10.
i need to practice the art of being still. im sitting here right now alone at night, listening to the crickets outside. not any other noise but a fan. its very peaceful. maybe Gods untying some knots this very moment.
it seems when i am frustrated and i get in too deep with my worries,, i fret, i panic, i talk fast, i make stupid choices. i say i trust God, i say hes in control, BUT,,,,i really have a plan of my own and i know what should be done,,,NOW>
when im at work and i have a patient who is aggresive and needs to be in restraints,,we have to tie slip knots,,i am terrible at slip knots. they are used so we can easily unslip them if an emergency is needed.
so you see, i got to thinking, why dont my problems get tangled up like a slip knot,, because i am terrible at them! i am better at tying and tying and knotting and making a huge mess, you know,,like when you have 3 necklaces and they are so entangled its just easier to throw them away and buy new ones!
or remeber as a ikid, you had your shoes so tied up in knots, never could we get them undone, we always went to mom or dad,,"please untie my shoes".
my knots are big, my worries are big, its hard for me to be still. im learning as ive gotten older, but its still a struggle. the more i try to untie them , the bigger the mess becomes.
my favorite bible verse,,,be still and know that i am God. Psalms 46:10.
i need to practice the art of being still. im sitting here right now alone at night, listening to the crickets outside. not any other noise but a fan. its very peaceful. maybe Gods untying some knots this very moment.
my little man
so yesterday my 11 year old son was telling my husband and i that when he is married he is going to treat his wife very good. he told me he is never going to make fun of her, always compliment her and give her flowers. thats what women want,he informed me.
ya know,,i had been thinking, i raised my two children as a single mo for a few years. i worried that living the majority of his life at my house without his dad would be detrimental to him. i wondered what kind of man he would be. how can a little boy grow into a man living with two women.
my son is very sweet. he is loving and compassionate. dont get me wrong, he is ornary as all get out. but he truly allows his feelings to shine throuhg. something a lot of men push away. some may see this as a wekenss, i see it as a strength.
i wrote this about my son when he was only a year old.
little boy little boy grows so fast
to keep you small, it just wont last
the changes come as days go by
you grow bigger, and i just sigh
you smile at me oh so sweet
your laugh delights the people you meet
as you sleep i stop and stare
oh how i love you oh how i care.
how blessed i am to have him. the other day he came up to me and hugged me for no apparent reason, and said, mom, i love you, im glad youre my mom.
i guess i did an ok job after all
ya know,,i had been thinking, i raised my two children as a single mo for a few years. i worried that living the majority of his life at my house without his dad would be detrimental to him. i wondered what kind of man he would be. how can a little boy grow into a man living with two women.
my son is very sweet. he is loving and compassionate. dont get me wrong, he is ornary as all get out. but he truly allows his feelings to shine throuhg. something a lot of men push away. some may see this as a wekenss, i see it as a strength.
i wrote this about my son when he was only a year old.
little boy little boy grows so fast
to keep you small, it just wont last
the changes come as days go by
you grow bigger, and i just sigh
you smile at me oh so sweet
your laugh delights the people you meet
as you sleep i stop and stare
oh how i love you oh how i care.
how blessed i am to have him. the other day he came up to me and hugged me for no apparent reason, and said, mom, i love you, im glad youre my mom.
i guess i did an ok job after all
oh crap shes awake
my new favorite quote,,,
live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the ground in the morning, satan shudders and says,,oh crap shes awake!!
dontcha just love this? it cracks me up. i am hoping my life is so full of passion and accomplishments and joy that satan is dismayed when i wake up. i hope i am a terror to him and his plans. sometimes i wake up and i think i just have no energy to do a darn thing. i want to be full of so much vim and vigor that everyone has a smile just cause i make them smile. but you know,,turning 40 this year,,its hard to find that energy. i wake up and i think,,yikes,,can i get out of bed? did i work out too much yesterday? do i really have to do anything except lie in the couch today? i alwasy find the willpower to get up and go. i have to dig deep though. my goal in life is to be that woman who is alive and awake. someone to be reckend with. but first let me lie down for about a 15 minute break!
live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the ground in the morning, satan shudders and says,,oh crap shes awake!!
dontcha just love this? it cracks me up. i am hoping my life is so full of passion and accomplishments and joy that satan is dismayed when i wake up. i hope i am a terror to him and his plans. sometimes i wake up and i think i just have no energy to do a darn thing. i want to be full of so much vim and vigor that everyone has a smile just cause i make them smile. but you know,,turning 40 this year,,its hard to find that energy. i wake up and i think,,yikes,,can i get out of bed? did i work out too much yesterday? do i really have to do anything except lie in the couch today? i alwasy find the willpower to get up and go. i have to dig deep though. my goal in life is to be that woman who is alive and awake. someone to be reckend with. but first let me lie down for about a 15 minute break!
american idol
so we went to see the american idol concert this weekend. it was actually really good. i was really only excited about seeing david cook. he didnt let me down. he is amazing and an awesome performer. michael johns was quite the entertainer also. now lets see ramiel? yuck, the girl cannot carry a tune.
i was surrounded by little girls in front and behind who were david archiletta fans. oh the screams. good ness.
it was a lot of fun though. we took the kids. tim came along. it ended up being a great night out. even on 3 hours of sleep!
i was surrounded by little girls in front and behind who were david archiletta fans. oh the screams. good ness.
it was a lot of fun though. we took the kids. tim came along. it ended up being a great night out. even on 3 hours of sleep!
courage
courage is very important, like a muscle strengthened by use.
i dont feel very courageous lately. many people have in the past week called me a courageous woman. i dont see it. i ahve gone through a lot and grown, but i guess i still know the real me. the person who deep down inside is so afraid of failure. so afraid of hurting people or making them angry. i push my own thoughts down many times so i dont cause disruption. i know its not good. i know i am stronger than that, but i feel so weak at times. i hate that part of me. i wish i could be more confidant. believe more in myself. i have always struggled with feelings of inadequacy. feelings of just not being good enough. it seems no matter how mnay people tell me that i am good at something , i dont believe it.
i have come to understand that these feelings can slowly exhaust me though. i find i have no energy i start believing the lies inside my head that i maybe just cant do it. i know its lies, i just need to dust it off and get back up and fight.
i am sure this isnt making much sense. its me rambling again. of course my excuse is i slept 3 hours today.
pay no attention to my mindless words.
i dont feel very courageous lately. many people have in the past week called me a courageous woman. i dont see it. i ahve gone through a lot and grown, but i guess i still know the real me. the person who deep down inside is so afraid of failure. so afraid of hurting people or making them angry. i push my own thoughts down many times so i dont cause disruption. i know its not good. i know i am stronger than that, but i feel so weak at times. i hate that part of me. i wish i could be more confidant. believe more in myself. i have always struggled with feelings of inadequacy. feelings of just not being good enough. it seems no matter how mnay people tell me that i am good at something , i dont believe it.
i have come to understand that these feelings can slowly exhaust me though. i find i have no energy i start believing the lies inside my head that i maybe just cant do it. i know its lies, i just need to dust it off and get back up and fight.
i am sure this isnt making much sense. its me rambling again. of course my excuse is i slept 3 hours today.
pay no attention to my mindless words.
silence
" silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted"
dont you love that?
how many times have i said something,,when silence would have been the better thing to do? the past year i have actually begun to practice the art of silence. and you know waht. it irritates people who want to argue with me,,becuase i wont participate in the silly childish game of who can make the other feel worse. its amazing how being silent and just sitting there feels. its calmin.
silence is also a way to learn and become wise. instead of arguing and hurrying tog et my 2 cnets in,,i sit and listen,,and to my suprise,,sometimnes i learn stuff. im trying to get my children to learn this at the ages of 16 and 11 instead of age 40 like i did. of course they dont ant to "listen".
so many times in my life i have spoken so fast. things came out, i hurt people. my mouth works so much faster than my mind. its like i comes and then im like,,whoops,,did i say that out loud.
silence,,,try it. its amazing what you hear
dont you love that?
how many times have i said something,,when silence would have been the better thing to do? the past year i have actually begun to practice the art of silence. and you know waht. it irritates people who want to argue with me,,becuase i wont participate in the silly childish game of who can make the other feel worse. its amazing how being silent and just sitting there feels. its calmin.
silence is also a way to learn and become wise. instead of arguing and hurrying tog et my 2 cnets in,,i sit and listen,,and to my suprise,,sometimnes i learn stuff. im trying to get my children to learn this at the ages of 16 and 11 instead of age 40 like i did. of course they dont ant to "listen".
so many times in my life i have spoken so fast. things came out, i hurt people. my mouth works so much faster than my mind. its like i comes and then im like,,whoops,,did i say that out loud.
silence,,,try it. its amazing what you hear
organized religion
so i have been reading a friends note on facebook. it got started into a feed. and i could not help but participate. it had to do with faith. then somehow it got veered toward organized religion. lately it seems a lot of peopel want to complain about organized religion. i admit. i was there at one point in my life. i wrote to this person and tried to explain its not about those 4 walls. its about your heart and your relationship with God. i think people get confused about religion and spirituallity and christianity. i dont think of myslef as a reliosgious person per say. but i think i do have a relationship with god. i dont think,,i know. it has taken me a lot of heartache and a lot of mistakes. but i am at a place in my life where i am at peace. i know who God is and i know who i am to him. i really dont care what the church has to say about me. i do go and i think its a good thing to do. i dont always agree with whats going on but i think it helps motivate me through the week ahead. with my job the way it is now i only get to go to church 2 times a month. i miss it on the weeks i dont go. it was something i took for granted. now i cherish those days.
there are so many people that make up excuses about why they dont go . the hypocrites, the judgement. I KNOW!!!! but we have to realize,,,we are all humans. like i said to this friend,,i think christians sometimes forget what its like outside of those church walls,about what we face in the real world what comes at some of us. how hard we fight to make right choices. and when we fail,,,,they assume they would not have chosen that path. ,,but can i say,,it really doesnt matter what "people" think or say. it only amtters where your ehart is, and who is forgiving you, it matters about yoru relationship wioth God. ,
am i getting too preachy?? sorry. it is just really getting to me altely all the judgements and the cutting down of churches, i ahve actually heard "christians" cut down other churches,,,WHY??? if you dont agree with the church,,,then dont go,,,but why continue to tear it down. i honestly dont get it.
well i am going to go, i know this was heavy. im just thinking on paper.
i pray you all find peace. look for the relationship. thats all God really wants, he wants to know you.
there are so many people that make up excuses about why they dont go . the hypocrites, the judgement. I KNOW!!!! but we have to realize,,,we are all humans. like i said to this friend,,i think christians sometimes forget what its like outside of those church walls,about what we face in the real world what comes at some of us. how hard we fight to make right choices. and when we fail,,,,they assume they would not have chosen that path. ,,but can i say,,it really doesnt matter what "people" think or say. it only amtters where your ehart is, and who is forgiving you, it matters about yoru relationship wioth God. ,
am i getting too preachy?? sorry. it is just really getting to me altely all the judgements and the cutting down of churches, i ahve actually heard "christians" cut down other churches,,,WHY??? if you dont agree with the church,,,then dont go,,,but why continue to tear it down. i honestly dont get it.
well i am going to go, i know this was heavy. im just thinking on paper.
i pray you all find peace. look for the relationship. thats all God really wants, he wants to know you.
power of attitude
power of attitude
our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but how we react to what happens: not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. its a catalyst.... a spark that creates extraordinary results.......
i was telling my kids the other day that if they could only change their attitudes,,life might change for them also. sometimes just the way we react to things and approach life can bring about unexpected suprises.
then i got to thinking,,am i doing the same. i have some issues going on, i am being negative about it. i know it. i constantly talk about it, i dont try to change it and i dont see a positive. maybe my attitiude can be the light at the end of the tunnel. maybe by just one person changing what they think about something, that something can turn into something totally different.
is it possible? i think so. i realize when i am negative,,life is continually a downer, but when i think good thoughts, amazingly things seem to look brighter.
so i think i will take my own advice. see what happens......
our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but how we react to what happens: not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. its a catalyst.... a spark that creates extraordinary results.......
i was telling my kids the other day that if they could only change their attitudes,,life might change for them also. sometimes just the way we react to things and approach life can bring about unexpected suprises.
then i got to thinking,,am i doing the same. i have some issues going on, i am being negative about it. i know it. i constantly talk about it, i dont try to change it and i dont see a positive. maybe my attitiude can be the light at the end of the tunnel. maybe by just one person changing what they think about something, that something can turn into something totally different.
is it possible? i think so. i realize when i am negative,,life is continually a downer, but when i think good thoughts, amazingly things seem to look brighter.
so i think i will take my own advice. see what happens......
perfection
i am carefulot to confuse excellence with perfection. excellence i can reach for, perfection is Gods business.
so i have been on this dance for a while now with myslef. trying to be perfect at whatever i do. its just not working, funny huh? i want so much to be the best and not make mistakes. of course thats a fairytale if ever there was one. i have come to realize, i will never be perfect. i cant be, im human. its the way we humans are. we mess up. we make mistakes. we need other people. i have got to start learning from the mistakes and grow from them. i know that each mistake teaches me a lesson. these lessons help me on my journey to excellence. i dont know if excellence will ever be achieved,,buit at least i can strive for it. perfection?,,,, i think is just a waste of time, onlu God an do that. and thats fine with me. i turst him to guide me.
so i have been on this dance for a while now with myslef. trying to be perfect at whatever i do. its just not working, funny huh? i want so much to be the best and not make mistakes. of course thats a fairytale if ever there was one. i have come to realize, i will never be perfect. i cant be, im human. its the way we humans are. we mess up. we make mistakes. we need other people. i have got to start learning from the mistakes and grow from them. i know that each mistake teaches me a lesson. these lessons help me on my journey to excellence. i dont know if excellence will ever be achieved,,buit at least i can strive for it. perfection?,,,, i think is just a waste of time, onlu God an do that. and thats fine with me. i turst him to guide me.
im fine
yea Im FINE!!!
F, freaked out
I, insecure
N,,neurotic
E,,emotionally unstable
a friend of mine sent this to me a few months ago.. i thought it was too funny and yes very much me! do i freak out easily? yup i do, am i insecure? sure am,,, am i neurotic? maybe,,am i emotionally unstable?? hmmm, does cryiong at pretty much anything count as unstabe?
so there you hacve it...i am FINE,,,so quit asking:):):):)
F, freaked out
I, insecure
N,,neurotic
E,,emotionally unstable
a friend of mine sent this to me a few months ago.. i thought it was too funny and yes very much me! do i freak out easily? yup i do, am i insecure? sure am,,, am i neurotic? maybe,,am i emotionally unstable?? hmmm, does cryiong at pretty much anything count as unstabe?
so there you hacve it...i am FINE,,,so quit asking:):):):)
missing my kids
day 7 of my kids being gone with their dad for a vacation. gosh how i hate these weeks. 3 times this summer they will go with him. it seems i have all these great ideas of how i will spend the alone time. it sounds good on paper. but when it comes down to it,,i miss them like crazy. i miss all the fighting and the yelling and the driving around for them. i miss the chaos that comes with havi9ng kids in the house. i talk to them about every other day. but i really just wnat to hug them.
its funny. the day i go pick them up i will be so excited, but the minute we get home and the yelling starts and the fighting and bickering,,,i will be throw my hands up and think,,ughhh, i need a break!
its funny. the day i go pick them up i will be so excited, but the minute we get home and the yelling starts and the fighting and bickering,,,i will be throw my hands up and think,,ughhh, i need a break!
1969
it has come to my attention that every single blog i write is dated december 1969. now that is so weird,,considering i was only turning about 1 back then, so if youre as confused as everyoneelse, join the club. i have no idea whats going on.
my little girl
so today i got to spend a lot of quality time with my daughter. it was nice. we sat outside in the sun together for 1bout 3 hours, both are red as beets now! we didnt talk the whole time, but it was nice having her with me.
later we went shopping for shorts. we gigled about some sill;y things. we got to talking about her moving away for college and would i miss her. i told her i would cry daily. she thinks im joking, but i got to thinking. for the past 16 years this little girl has been my world, sometimes my rock. what will i do in 2 years when she goes off to school. ? i cannot even begin to imagine my house without her in it. even her grumpy days when she is mad at the world. she is so beuatiful, even if she thinks shes not. her personality shines throuhg. she is strong and has a great head on her shoulders. i feel like i must have done something right when i had her. she makes me feel like i am a basically ok mommmy!
so for now, i cherish the days she is here. even her grumpy leave me alone days. there arent many left.
my little girl shes only five acts all grown up hottest thing alive
she'll tell stories that will keep you there you;ll smile as you listen to her tales so fare
her eyes they glisten, they twinkle and glow her smile radiates to all she knows
her voice so sweet, as she sings to you, my angel from above, is a gift so true
i thank God, every day, for the blessing in her, he brought my way.
1997
later we went shopping for shorts. we gigled about some sill;y things. we got to talking about her moving away for college and would i miss her. i told her i would cry daily. she thinks im joking, but i got to thinking. for the past 16 years this little girl has been my world, sometimes my rock. what will i do in 2 years when she goes off to school. ? i cannot even begin to imagine my house without her in it. even her grumpy days when she is mad at the world. she is so beuatiful, even if she thinks shes not. her personality shines throuhg. she is strong and has a great head on her shoulders. i feel like i must have done something right when i had her. she makes me feel like i am a basically ok mommmy!
so for now, i cherish the days she is here. even her grumpy leave me alone days. there arent many left.
my little girl shes only five acts all grown up hottest thing alive
she'll tell stories that will keep you there you;ll smile as you listen to her tales so fare
her eyes they glisten, they twinkle and glow her smile radiates to all she knows
her voice so sweet, as she sings to you, my angel from above, is a gift so true
i thank God, every day, for the blessing in her, he brought my way.
1997
